Dreams of Purity
by DanieSora
Summary: The good pure village that drowned on sins started a cleaning program that consisted in cleaning sin. The four young boys watch the bloodshed that defined their lives forever. Only two survive and those two recover their friendship on the sanatorium where they meet again. warnings inside; Alfred is slightly bad here and Ivan a obsessive God believer. Asylum AU.


**Pairings:** AlfredxIvan (ArthurxFrancis) | **Type:** Asylum AU | **This story is purely fictional. **| **Gender:** Drama/ tragedy

**Warnings:** character death, homophobia, obsessive behaviours, extreme religion, implied sex, rape, self-mutilation, death character, etc…

**Summary:** The good pure village that drowned on sins started a cleaning program that consisted in cleaning sin. The four young boys watch the bloodshed that defined their lives forever. Only two survive and those two recover their friendship on the sanatorium where they meet again.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Hetalia, El Mar or any implied character.

* * *

**Dreams of Purity**

Red skies replaced the blue clean ones and the nights drifted from utterly calm darkness to piercing screams through the night.

Once it was a good village where women cared for their sons lovingly, men worked hard to support them and children and God was their major guidance.

The old ancient roots demand knowledge and faith in God making outsiders embraced the village religion and establish into their children but they didn't mind; wars were harsh on their lands and they believed.

It was the least they could do to live on the little piece of heaven.

That little piece of heave soon hid harsh sins and devious routes brought from the outsiders and older people demanded justice.

An internal struggle on that little Village soon become a bloodshed hidden on the harsh dark nights as the children simply were told that bad man came and took the sin away and let the village pure as it was on the beginning.

The skies never became as clean as before after that.

.

The bible spoke of sins.

Sin, or a deliberate disobedience to the known will of God was punished and they all knew it but nodded either way to Mr. Antonio Carriedo who talked about sins.

''There are 7 major sins, wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and…'' he stopped looking at Alfred Jones who was eating an apple, ''gluttony.'' Making everyone laugh and the 15 years old boy flush red.

''Hey, I was hungry!'' Alfred Jones, blond boy with sparkling blue eyes defended himself making the man laugh.

''Can you explain me gluttony Jones?'' he asked with a smile and Alfred nodded.

''Is the over-consumption of anything to the point of waste…'' he pouted realising that he had eaten too much and his belly was hurting and his friend Arthur glared at him with raging green eyes picking the rest of the apple and eating it.

Arthur Kirkland was one year older than him and was always scolding Alfred as a father or big brother, Alfred was incredibly annoyed with that but mostly ignored Arthur because he was indeed as a big brother to him.

''Kirkland, could you explain me pride?'' Antonio asked and the young boy nodded as his huge eyebrows knotted together.

''Ah yes; is the most serious sin, is the desire of being more important or attractive than the others even God himself.'' Arthur said with a smirk that clearly said that rule was not applied to him and he didn't believe on what was being said and Antonio Carriedo sighed turning to Francis who was smiling charmingly to a girl.

Francis Bonnefoy had blue clean eyes and shoulder length blond locks. He had the same age of Arthur and they were always bickering but surprisingly cared for the other and defended each other with nails and teeth, of course that changes if the other is present though. Even on the other side of the room Antonio could see he wanted to prod or simply annoy the eating Arthur.

''Bonnefoy, what about Lust?''

'' Lust is the most desired sin _non_? Is the intense uncontrollable desire of excessive sexual wants and needs.'' He over dramatized swaying his hips and eyebrows receiving a snort from Arthur.

''Really? I would say it applies to you then.'' He murmured and Francis sent him a glare with furious blue eyes.

''Only those who suffer from the same can realise it.'' He bit back making the boy flush and throw the already eaten apple to his head making him throw it back and make the older man stop the fight and suspend the lesson.

The lesson always ended badly but Antonio would always start and end it with a fond smile.

''Ahahah, you guys are awesome, how did you know he would end the lesson?'' Alfred turned to them but was ignored and he pouted annoyed.

''Let them be Alfred, one day they will realise they love each other.'' Ivan Braginsky, chubby teen of his age with light blond hair and strange violet eyes said laughing making Alfred laugh and the boys stopped bickering and fighting to look at him with wide eyes.

''_Whot_? That's disgusting!''

''_Quoi_? I would never-,''

They kept talking and Ivan raised his hand in defence.

''I was kidding…'' he murmured and Alfred laughed harder grabbing his sides.

''Hey let's go play something before that crazy girl comes stalk Ivan again.'' Alfred snorted making Ivan freeze and look around as the others snickered.

''She's got it bad for you Ivan…'' Francis smirked and Arthur hit his head.

''You little sod, let the boy be, You are jealous you don't have a girl all around you!'' Arthur smirked and Francis bended to him.

''I don't want them, they want me~'' he smirked making Arthur hit him again.

Ivan smiled with them and rolled his eyes fondly following the boys to play around the old church until it was ours of going home.

.

Ivan was reading his lesson, the rest of the sins. He was curious because there were strange events at night that were said needed to clean the sins from the village.

Until now he only saw people lose his husbands, wives and sons… He was loosing a bit his faith in God and was afraid that it showed. That was also a sin and he was really trying hard to believe and be the perfect son as his father wished but sometimes he doubted. His mother was taken and he doesn't understand why, she was not a sinner but a good mother.

He sighed not wanting to think about _that_ and kept his violet eyes trail through the pages.

'Greed is a very excessive or rapacious desire and pursuit of material possessions.' He hummed and looked at the money figures snorting. Everyone wants money, is needed…

He kept reading rather bored.

'Wrath may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger.'

'Sloth is physical laziness and/or spiritual laziness.'

'Envy is an insatiable desire of having what others have. Envy is similar to jealousy in that they both feel discontent towards someone's traits, status, abilities, or rewards.' He perked up to this, his father was a very jealous man and wanted always more of what others had done that meant he was a sinner that will disappear soon? He asked himself and shook his head closing the book.

No, his father was perfect, he took great care of him and worked hard for what he had, he was not a sinner. Ivan aspired to be like him one day, huge, great and perfect! The man was the epitome of perfection and purity and Ivan did his best to be even better than him, or at least try to make him proud.

On that night dogs and creams could be heard and he placed the pillow above his head. He really did wish the sin to be vanished soon and those noisy nights to stop.

The next day Alfred came to them with a suspicious look and a smirk on his face that clearly showed he knew something good.

Ivan looked at Arthur who shrugged and they waited for Francis to ask him but he beat them with a grin.

''Guess what the Hero knows!'' he smirked and walked in front of them before going to the rocky path where they used to play.

The rocky path was their playground. It had a good place for football, a good place to hide and near a cliff but they kept away from it only going there to watch the sunshine sometimes.

''Bloody git, just tell us.'' Arthur complained and Alfred pouted making Ivan smile.

''Fine… So I heard my pa talk and I know where the strange events at night happen!'' he grinned and they gaped to him.

''What?'' Francis was the first to ask with wide blue eyes and Ivan nodded pressing him to talk.

''The old cemetery, that's why we hear the dogs! We can go there tonight and see what's happening uh?'' he asked and they looked at each other with apprehension but curiosity louder on their minds and nodded agreeing with the plan.

Later that night Ivan was a pile of nerves. He wanted to know but was afraid his father found it and punish him or worse; think that he was impure.

He shuddered at the thought, his father kept telling him to follow God and keep pure and he would do anything to please him. It meant he didn't become violent too so he needed to try extra hard.

His father smiled to him petting his hair before dismissing him to sleep.

''You are a good boy Ivan, pure and good. God will take you on his wings…'' his father said and he frowned smelling the alcohol on his breath and walked to his room leaving through the window only to come back in the morning hoping everything turned fine.

''Finally…'' Alfred whined patting Ivan's back with too much strength making Ivan narrow his eyes and look at Francis and Arthur who were a bit quieter that usual due the nervous tension but still bickering.

''Let's go.'' Ivan said wanting the night to end soon and they walked to the old cemetery.

.

It was dark but the big round moon sent light enough to let them see the cemetery.

Francis and Arthur were talking with Alfred and he was behind them looking around as they entered on a hidden part mostly known and used by the kids.

''I guess it will be there…'' Alfred said with a frown and Ivan looked in front to see some candle lights and holes on the ground. Open graves.

Francis shivered from the cold and, Ivan suspected, fear and Arthur rubbed his arm making him nod and smile a little.

Ivan looked to Alfred who was crunched and with much less courage than on the beginning and walked to his side watching some man approaching through the darkness.

There were a few men walking around two men who had their eyes covered, chains on their feet dragging through the ground and were badly beaten. The candle light making the bruises not so noticeable but still there for them to see and they shifted back only peeking recognizing one of the man.

The four boys glanced to each other in hesitation and afraid of trouble, then looked in time of seeing the men stopping right in front of the lightened candles.

The blindfolds were taken and they gasped as their teacher was uncovered in front of them.

His face was beaten and dark purplish bruises covered the dark skin as his lips were cut and with dry blood.

Alfred frowned and murmured to them that he needed to be saved and Ivan, Arthur and Francis stopped him making him quiet wanting to understand what was happening before giving themselves away and cause problems.

''Sodomy, a heavy sin don't you think Mr Carriedo?'' a deep manly voice says and their teacher only glared at them with green furious pained eyes as the other man, now also uncovered, cursed them in some other language, probably his first one.

''Don't have words? I guess you wasted them all when you were fucked on the ass by this queer!'' the man sneered and both Francis and Arthur froze but Ivan and Alfred were still shocked looking at Mr Carriedo as the other men walked around them and left them aligned with the empty graves.

Alfred started murmuring they needed to be saved and Ivan with the help of Arthur stopped him listening to what was happening in apprehension.

The cold wind hit their skin making them shiver and Ivan craved nails on Alfred's arm without knowing too caught on the events. They looked outside their hidden place watching the men left their teacher and fellow friend side and soon gunshots were heard.

The bullets hit their chests heavily and the two males fell directly on the graves as the men started shoving dirt above them murmuring and sneering.

Alfred was the first to walk back holding tears making the others walk back too.

They kept running to the village and soon they stopped to catch their breaths.

Francis was incredibly pale and Arthur refused to take his narrowed eyes from the ground as Alfred silently mourned the death of their teacher and Ivan was still gaping unsure what to think.

''I'm not feeling okay… I… see you tomorrow….'' Francis said not looking once to them and Arthur looked at him with a pained expression before walking away without a word.

''God… this… '' Alfred started but Ivan didn't have words to finish and was sure Alfred didn't have them either.

''We should go….'' Ivan said and Alfred nodded, each one going home only to lay watching the ceiling to horrified by their discovery to sleep.

So was that what was happening to their people?! They were killing the sinners like that?

Ivan bit his lip and frowned, but Mr Carriedo was a nice man….

He looked to his bed and sighed knowing that lust between the same sexes was wrong and hoping God would save his teacher soul. Yes, what he did was wrong but did he have to be killed like that?

He kept thinking so hard during the night that he didn't have a minute of rest. He would ask his father later and learn on the hard way that he should not even think about _that_.

.

A new teacher appeared as nothing had happened on the next day saying Mr Carriedo had to go away.

Ivan and Alfred shared a look but the other two were still not looking anywhere but the ground and they were getting concerned.

It was known Arthur didn't believe in God but it was also knows Francis was a true believer and that was one of their many spats. What they saw about the true 'vanishing' of the sins may be something hard for Francis who was an emotional boy but they did not understand Arthur's reaction. _Perhaps he was worried!? _Ivan murmured to Alfred who nodded and agreed but kept saying they would have to take action.

When the lesson ended they all walked to the rocky patch and Alfred frowned yelling at Arthur and Francis.

''Stop that! We can't let them know what we saw!'' he yelled and Francis started to cry softly and Arthur ignored Alfred in prowl of walking to Francis who shoved him away.

''It's okay Francis… really, no one needs to know! We didn't know lo-,''

''It's your fault!'' he hoarsely hissed interrupting Arthur while Arthur shook his head wildly.

''No! Bloody hell… We didn't know!'' he started and Francis grabbed his throat with both hands leaving Alfred and Ivan without reaction.

''It's your fault I'm going to Hel!'' he yelled and Arthur threw him to the ground making him fall with a pained expression.

''It was not me who got fucked on the ass!'' he hissed rubbing his throat and Francis stood shivering and glaring at him with such intensity that even the other two shivered before understanding the statement and gap with wide eyes.

''I thought it was like the other sins not that I would die! _WE WILL DIE!_'' Francis yelled and when Arthur was about to spat back he threw a punch and grabbed Arthur head on the ground making it hit on the rocks once.

'Fraa-, ssst-,'' Arthur tries to say between harsh gasps and kicks him and he kept hitting his head on the rocks once, twice, three times until Alfred got out of his surprised stupor and grabbed him.

''Dude stop!'' he yelled and Ivan also walked to them grabbing the shivering yelling French.

''Arthur?'' Alfred asked looking at the boy on the ground and Francis stopped trashing looking at what he had done.

''_Mon Dieu…_'' he swallowed as tears fell from his blue eyes.

Arthur stood limp on the ground and Ivan walked to him with wide purple eyes seeing blood draining through the ground and swallowed before placing a hand on his nose as green eyes stood open without blinking.

''Oh God….'' Ivan murmured crawling back and falling on his ass shaking.

Francis freed himself from Alfred and crawled to Arthur as Alfred stood looking at the boy on the ground with wide blue eyes.

''Arthur? _Mon amour_… I'm sorry… It was my fault… Arthur… _batard,_ wake up!'' he yelled crying and shaking the dead limp boy. '_'Oh Dieu_…'' Francis cried and Alfred walked to him with wide blue teary eyes and Francis ran away crying and murmuring incoherent things in French.

''He's…?'' Alfred asked and Ivan nodded standing and running to follow Francis who was running to the cliff. Alfred looked to them seeing where they were going and followed catching up easily with Ivan.

''Francis! Francis!'' Alfred yelled and both ran watching Francis kneeling on the edge of the cliff, kiss the ground, stand and throw himself with open arms before they could even reach him.

They yelled and called for Francis as the body fell to death but it was too late. The body fell with a loud crack and thud killing the boy.

Alfred was the first to come to the edge and quickly kneeled peeking to the rocking cliff and Ivan kneeled on Alfred's side watching the bloodied sprawled body on the dirty ground thinking how he needed to keep it hidden from his father and work even harder to achieve purity.

Events happened quickly after that.

The entire village knew about the tragedy but Ivan and Alfred kept silent about what they heard receiving harsh glares and disapproving frowns. It was the least they could do in memory of their friends and they swore not to tell what they did to act like that and kill each other.

Alfred left the village and Ivan was left with his father who drank more and more everyday while he tried to purify himself holding onto faith as his last resource. It was indeed is last resource, only God could make him pure as he wished and dreamt.

''Ivan, my pure little boy.'' His father said as he frowned not enjoying how his father was looking at him.

''You look a bit like your whore of a mother!'' he hissed and Ivan clenched his hands not liking the way he was talking of his mother. _Again._

His father stepped to him and touched his hair with a soft smile.

''You are a good believing faithful young man aren't you? '' he asked and Ivan nodded, having spend the previous years praying and studying the rules of God in hopes of purify what he witnessed and his father kissed his cheek.

''Such a good boy… '' he smiles hugging Ivan and Ivan smiled hugging him back until he felt hands on his butt and shoved his father away.

''What are you doing?'' he asked and his father smirked.

''You are 18, you know very well what I am trying to do.'' He easily answered making Ivan hurt more than when Alfred went away leaving him alone to be given looks and sneers for being present on that day, the day he mostly ignores and pretends not to have happened.

His father walked to him making him kneel with a kick on his back knee and he looked up in confusion.

''I want you to use that mouth that looks equal to your mother's mouth for something good idiot!'' he hissed starting undoing his pants and Ivan punched his crotch running away never gazing back.

Years had passed.

Now he was on the Saint Grace Asylum [1].

Toris, a good friend of him was the one placing him there. He proclaimed hat Ivan was obsessed with the ideal of purity and God and the fact that he had incredibly dark thoughts were not good for his mental health made him want Ivan to go to a psychiatrist. The said man stated that he had Borderline personality disorder, depression and gave him some pills that he ignored and Toris made him go to that asylum to take them and cure himself.

He still doesn't think he has something wrong but they want to keep him there until he heals and identifies himself as a man with an illness which leads to his ability of taking care of his body and mind. He still thinks they are just trying to keep him from his goal and God, the excuses of 'he shouldn't punish himself to please God' and 'You suffer from an illness dear and you should realise it' do not sound believable for him so he keeps there as they force him to take the damned pills.

There his life was somewhat calm and boring.

He woke up, took pills, read, talked with a few men, ate and slept. His dirty thoughts and sins could be kept to a minimum which made him happy and glad. He didn't need to punish himself so much but always found something to make him guilt and want to do it. They took all his mirrors, razors and sharp things from his room but he still has a few hidden.

He had a stalking nurse though. The young girl on the village devoted her life to take care of others and kept telling him that she still loves him and someday they will marry even if he vowed himself to God and she did the same. He found it incredibly strange but she was indeed devoted to her cause. Tenacious, a quality that he admired but made him fear and avoid the woman.

He also had a weekly meeting with his doctor.

She was a nice lady with blue eyes and big breast that all the men kept talking about. He didn't care though, he was pure so he had no dirty thoughts as them, and they were all filthy impure pigs that made the poor lady cry sometimes because of them. That made him want to hurt them but he tried not to think about it.

''How are you today?'' She asked to him with a little smile and he shrugged.

''Tired… they found the pills under my bed and made me take them…'' he grinned as a young rebellious child and she frowned.

''Again? I told you, they will make you feel better and not-,''

''I do not hear voices Katyusha! I just follow God! He doesn't talk to me, I read his words, you should understand!'' he frowned as a dark aura made her shrink and sigh.

''You are ill… you need them, at least try!'' she pleaded and he glared at her.

''No. That is against God's wish.'' He said nodding and she gave a tired smile.

''Because God doesn't approve pills?''

He nodded and she ran a hand though her short silvery hair.

''How do you feel?'' she asked after a few seconds of silence and he blinked.

''These make me slow.'' He frowned and she smiled.

''And what have you been thinking?'' she asked curiously taking notes and he sighed.

''How I do not need this.'' He glared again and she nodded.

''Have you been thinking of death and sins?'' she asked and he nodded.

''Of course.''

''We need to change the medication.'' She stated and he stood.

''I do not need pills! I need God and nothing else!'' he said before walking away glaring at everyone.

Soon he realises he had sinned against a woman for being so rude and think about her death in painful ways and grabbed a razor that was hidden on his room behind the window.

''Father!'' he started praying looking at a cross on his wall as the razor made clear lines on pale scarred skin. The blood covered the slightly deep cuts and he pressed his fingers on the bleeding lines making it sting harder and praying louder trying to clear the thoughts of a murdered doctor from his head.

Later he cleaned himself and went to sleep placing the razor on his proper place hidden from the world.

The cuts stung and he smiled relieved. Someday he will achieve purity and be good enough.

.

It was another day, he was reading and heard talking with a boisterous familiar laugh that made him stand, place his book down and follow the voices. The last time he heard a laugh like that he lost his best friend… Alfred.

He stopped at the door with mouth slightly open and wide disbelieving eyes. With a little suitcase, dressed in white as all the patients was no other than Alfred Jones, his lost friend who was smirking to a glaring Natalia.

''Alfred?'' he said in disbelief and the loud blond turned to him seeing the nurse gazing him.

He stood there with a grin and walked to him hugging him laughing and he hugged back.

''Ivan dude! God, what are you doing here?'' he asked and he shrugged.

''The same as you I guess…'' he said as the blond broke apart and looked him over.

''Damn, you look good, thin but good…'' he frowned and bended whispering. ''Is the food here that bad?'' he frowned and Ivan laughed.

''God no, it's actually eatable! You changed nothing!'' he smiled and Alfred gave an awkward grin before walking with him and catch up with the news that Ivan wanted to crave on his mind even if the pills made him slow.

''So you are here for being a believer…'' Alfred stated and he shrugged making Alfred laugh.

''How stupid!'' he kept laughing making Ivan smile fondly. He missed him and forgave his betrayal feelings a long time ago as a good person but was curious about his stay on that house.

''Why are you here Al?'' he asked and Alfred looked at him.

''Anger issues and ADHD…'' he shrugged and Ivan felt that something was missing but Alfred smirked.

''I will be out of here soon.'' He stated and Ivan nodded.

''You always were a free spirit yes?''

''Of course! I'm here on my free will.'' Alfred said proudly and Ivan asked why making Alfred make a guilty face and touch his glasses.

''I killed a man because of my anger issues and I won't let that happen again…'' he murmured and Ivan gasped surprised and worried.

''Alfred…''

Alfred looked at him with a painful look on blue eyes and a small smile.

''Don't worry, I'm better now, it won't happen again…'' he nodded with conviction looking far away and Ivan slowly nodded wondering what else he missed.

The rest of the talk was made of easy things and Ivan telling everything Alfred needed to know from the house.

.

Ivan's mind was loud, troubling, whispering millions of things to him and he frowned. It was not voices, it was himself, his own conscience but the doctor never understood it… He shifted and sighed heavily deciding to take a bath, it would make him feel better and ignore his own voice.

The bathroom was shared and away from the rooms trying to prevent accidents. Showers were on the right, toilets on the left and washbasins in front leaving a corner with a huge a huge mirror for those who wanted to look at themselves.

It was a precaution not to have mirrors on the rooms, always precautions, it made him suffocate with such 'care'.

He cleaned himself quickly, his stomach and tights were heavily cut; the water hit them and made them sting but he ignored it cleaning softly the blood that leaked through the red lines.

When he left the shower he walked to the mirror knowing that he was alone on the bathroom and he would have time to look at himself and be aware of his appearance.

He gazed the mirror with narrowed eyes. His skin was too pale with greenish veins standing out and the blood flow made some of the angry red lines still leak making him he press his fingers there again feeling relief on the sting. All the skin around the lines was red and flushed and he frowned looking at that with some disgust.

He looked at his legs, too big and tall with blond hair, his body was filled with that light blond hair but he didn't mind, the problem was that he was impure, so impure with those lines on his skin, with that damp hair a shade darker making his eyes stand. He hated his eyes, a shade of violet, unnatural, impure… they are his disgrace, he can not be pure with those eyes. He sighed and looked down avoiding the mirror, he wished he had blue clear eyes like Alfred. Alfred who was there to torment him with his perfection and dashing smile making him feel relieved when he found that he was also a sinner.

He frowned and craved nails on his arm, he shouldn't think like that… it's a sin.

The door opened and he quickly grabbed his clothes pressing them to his waist and tights covering his virtue and angry red lined tights but his stomach were still uncovered and he forgot that momentarily.

Alfred entered on the room with naked chest holding toothpaste making him swallow and keep his eyes on his surprised face that smiled to him.

''What are you doing here so late dude?'' he asked before taking his appearance and lose his smile staring at his stomach.

''I took a shower.'' He said looking down to see what he was looking at and quickly covered his stomach with one arm keeping the other holding his clothes.

''You did that?'' Alfred asked and he nodded swallowing again staring at the perfect tanned chest of the blond then to his frowning face.

''Why?'' he looked confused and Ivan took the arm from his stomach to run his hand through his wet bangs.

''I am also a sinner, I had to be punished.'' He stated and Alfred walked to him stopping in front of him with hard blue eyes.

''I don't get it…'' he said and Ivan looked down to his eyes noticing he was without glasses, he looked younger without them.

''What?'' he spat with venom and Alfred shook his head.

''Francis was the believing one, not you… you used to doubt… like me…'' he said with a small smile and Ivan swallowed looking at reddish lips moving.

''I… I had nothing else… now I have God, he can't leave me.'' He stated looking into disbelieving blue eyes.

''Stupid… but I guess I understand, I still believe on him… but not _that_ much.'' he said walking away and Ivan looked at his moving back before gazing his blond hair.

''I thought you were awfully free to keep attached to such beliefs.'' Ivan smirked and he looked back.

''I am, I simply changed my views, now I have my personal God!'' he laughed and started taking his pants making Ivan swallow heavily as something inside him fluttered and heat turned noticeable on his mind and body.

''I… I will go now.'' Ivan said turning around and quickly dressing pants and Alfred walked to the showers.

''Do the nurses and doctors know you do that?'' Alfred asked curiously and Ivan did his best not to look at him as the water started running.

''Yes.'' He said and Alfred hummed making Ivan walk away and press his back on the door with wide eyes and heavy pants as his hands shivered.

'_God, no…'_ he thought before walking to his room and kneel on the ground praying until the image of the blond left his mind and hoping it would not develop to imaginative thoughts of his naked wet body.

.

Alfred quickly got along with all the other patients and nurses, males and females. He liked to flirt with the females though and Ivan kept avoiding looking as the cuts under his white dressings grew in quantity and deepness.

Alfred talked to him a bit too, he was quieter and calmer but Alfred liked to talk to everyone and make them laugh. Ivan felt that something was off though when Alfred ate and looked at food receiving a _look_ from the nurse.

He found why when he went to the bathroom a few days later.

Ivan walked to the bathroom and heard suspicious sound of throwing up muffed by the door. The nurses were distant enough not to listen but he entered and looked at his left in disbelief.

Alfred was bended on the toilet trying not to make too much sound and pucking all the contents eaten on lunch and Ivan walked to him making him look up with wide blue eyes.

''Alfred…'' Ivan started noticing the toothbrush on his hand and the teeth marks on his right hand and Alfred looked up with a grin hiding the brush under his legs.

''Not feeling good dude…'' he made an awkward face and Ivan kneeled placing a hand on his back.

''How long?'' he asked and Alfred shoved him off.

''Is not like that! You are not fat! You don't understand!'' he started yelling and Ivan looked at him with a vacant expression until Alfred stood and calmed down.

''I don't need help…'' he murmured glaring at Ivan and Ivan smiled.

''I don't need help either…'' he said making Alfred open his mouth and close it.

They kept silent until Alfred looked to the toilet with a concerned and troubled expression and Ivan looked at him curiously watching him bend again.

''I will start digestion soon, go away.'' He said and placed his fingers inside of his mouth and Ivan kneeled rubbing his back making him stop.

''Go on, I can not judge only pray for you.'' Ivan stated closing his eyes and praying softly as Alfred started shaking and spasming while throwing up and crying silently.

They didn't talk about it.

Alfred kept his happy dashing smile on his face and Ivan would pray for him or punish himself for the less than pure thoughts that Alfred brought him.

.

''I miss Arthur and Francis…'' Alfred said looking at the dark sky filled with fog and clouds and Ivan looked at him confused by the random statement.

''Don't you miss them?'' he looked at Ivan and Ivan nodded making him smile.

''We should have known sooner what they were up to… I feel that is my fault what happened…'' Alfred admitted softly and Ivan shook his head a bit too quickly making his vision blurs with the new pills.

''No, Francis freaked out, it was not your fault…'' Ivan stated and he laughed.

''Dude that pills are making your eyes all fogged up like you are drunk!'' he laughed changing the theme and Ivan wondered if the little attention spasm was faked to avoid things. The empty smile Alfred gave him made him confirm just that.

Later they joined a few guys from the asylum and engaged in a cards game and some talk. Ivan was near them reading and Alfred groaned frustrated.

''What's up Al? Loosing too much?'' a dark-haired man grinned to him and he laughed.

''Also… damn where are the girls on this fucking place?'' he asked frowning and Ivan looked at them with a raised eyebrow.

''The other side of the building but we can't be near them…'' another answered and Alfred placed the cards on the table frustrated.

''Fuck… I need to get laid… this sucks…'' he whined making the others laugh and he turned to them.

''What? I was the charmer out there… you guys suck!'' he laughed making them laugh and Ivan roamed his eyes through the blond noticing a rather evident bulge on his pants.

''You can talk with the nurses and see if they can help…'' the dark-haired man said and Alfred laughed.

''Dude they don't want me… professional shits and stuff…'' he mumbled and Ivan swallowed hard looking away flushing.

He stood and placed the book on the shelf ready to leave when Alfred turned to him.

''Hey Ivan, why don't you bang that hot chick that stalks you?''

Ivan flushed harder and shook his head making him laugh and walk to him.

''What, don't tell me you are still a virgin… '' he half asked half joked and Ivan nodded making all the men laugh at that.

''Dude... you need to get laid!'' Alfred laughed and he walked away to his room to kneel, pray and cut his navel in hopes the desire dies.

Alfred kept staining his purity without knowing and it was driving him crazy.

On the next day Alfred was a bother to him.

He grinned and was constantly talking about how girls were hot, their skin soft and they smelled clean and fresh and he rolled his eyes.

''Alfred, stop it! I won't succumb to those sins! I will remain pure!'' he glared at the man who grinned at him.

''Is that a bet?'' he asked and Ivan raised one eyebrow almost wanting to challenge back but turned away trying not to do a sinful bet.

''Go away Alfred.'' He said walking away and missing how Alfred blue eyes got hard and sharp while he grinned amused.

That night he prayed softly and went to sleep sooner.

Meanwhile Alfred was talking with a distant nurse, Natalia.

''Come on Natalia, don't you want him?'' he asked and she nodded flushing making him grin.

''So just go to his room and persuade him to take you… it will be fine and no one needs to know!'' he cheered and she narrowed her eyes to him.

''I'm not a whore Mr. Jones.'' She hissed and he raised his hands.

''Hey, never said that and he's a virgin so you would be doing him a favour in releasing some tensions…'' he said making her stop with a thoughtful look.

''It can even help him stop hurting himself…'' he added watching her smile growing and he knew he had her.

.

Ivan was ready to sleep; he finished his praying, cleaned a few cuts and watched the stars for a bit waiting for sleep to come.

He laid on the bed and his door opened making him sit and watch the nurse entering the room slowly but with a determinate look on her face.

''Natalia, what are you doing here?'' he asked blinking to see her in the darkness and she sat on his side.

''I want to help you Ivan…'' she murmured placing a hand on his chest and he looked at the hand before looking up.

''Uh… help with what?'' he asked and the hand started trailing down to his crotch above the blanket and pyjamas and he grabbed her hand.

''Natalia, no!'' he hissed and she straddled him making him lay back on the bed.

''Yes Ivan, I want this and you'll feel much better!'' she said bending to him and trying to lower the hand that he was grabbing as the other caressed his hair.

''We both vowed celibacy! Stop this right now!'' he hissed to her and she stopped trying to lower the hand and sat on his tights making him wince as the cuts made themselves known by stinging and aching.

''It will help you release tensions and then you'll stop hurting…'' she said and he frowned.

''Who said that?'' he asked shoving her aside and she looked to the window.

''Alfred… but it made sense…'' she admitted standing and he frowned.

''Leave Natalia.'' He snapped angered and she looked hurt for a second making him guilt.

''But…'' she looked at him and he looked at her with narrowed violet eyes.

''Leave or I won't forgive you!'' he interrupted her making her quickly leave with a tiny ''Sorry.'' in a meek voice.

Ivan stood and walked to Alfred's room angry and feeling somewhat betrayed again. He didn't have the right to do that or even pressure the young woman.

''Alfred!'' Ivan hissed knocking on the blond door and the door opened with a small creak.

When Alfred looked at him with a smirk he lost it and punched his stomach making the man bend and look at him with barely disguised anger.

''What the fuck is this?'' Alfred snarled and he shook watching him with wide eyes.

''Don't you dare to pry on my life like this again!'' Ivan growled and Alfred stood still touching his stomach.

''Why?'' he asked looking smug and Ivan narrowed his eyes.

''Alfred!'' he said with a warning tone and Alfred smirked looking him with cleaner blue defiant blue eyes.

''You prefer men don't you?'' he asks and Ivan's mouth opens as his eyes shiver in fear while he shakes his head. ''No!''

Alfred simply walks to him with a wide smirk and murmurs lowly.

''I see how you look at me…''

Ivan simply shivers and runs away kneeling on the ground in front of his cross while grabbing the razor shakily trying to ignore the heavy erection he gained when Alfred said those words with that husky low tone.

The next day they didn't talk and glared at each other though Alfred looked pleased about what he found making Ivan fear it in an anxious dread that consumed his mind.

Only three days later Alfred talked to him on the porch of the asylum making him sight in a relief he didn't knew he would feel.

''Hey… still mad at me?'' Alfred asked with a sheepish smile and Ivan swallowed not responding.

''Come on… it was pretty obvious, not my fault…'' he said and Ivan looked at him glaring making Alfred raise his hands in defence.

''I won't tell anyone… are you that mad about what I did?'' he asked and Ivan sighed running a hand through his hair.

''You were a jerk…'' he murmured and Alfred nodded.

''Sorry… I just wanted to help…'' he looked up and Ivan frowned.

''That would not help in anything….'' He admitted and Alfred looked to the horizon.

''I will run away today…'' he murmured and Ivan looked at him with his head askew.

''They said you can go?'' he asked in confusion and Alfred shook his head.

''No… but I'm sick of this place so I'm leaving…'' he said with a small grin and Ivan tensed.

''You shouldn't …'' he said and Alfred turned fully to him.

''They think I got worse and want to give me more pills… then they want to watch me everyday bewaring when I eat and throw up… it's maddening!'' he frowned knitting his blond eyebrows and Ivan looked down knowing it would be worse for him to run away but said nothing realising he couldn't change his mind.

''Ivan…'' Alfred turned to him and hugged him making him tense.

''I missed you dude…'' he admitted making Ivan awkwardly hug him back and shudder when the hot breaths of the blond hit his neck.

When Alfred left he walked to his room and grabbed his erect pulsing cock pumping it furiously while panting and flushing. He came with a strangled cry and a pained face cleaning the seed on his sheets and grabbing one of his razors cutting his hands in shame, hate, anger and fear. He was letting Alfred take his purity away and God will condemn him to Hell… He will never be pure like he was before he came to the asylum and he keeps sinning; now he even succumbed to it…

A wave of disgust came through him with that in mind and he cut his hands deeper trying to ignore the blood and already painful sting in prowl of cutting every singly finger.

He walked to Natalia's office slowly and with a guilty expression.

His hands throbbed and painfully bleed but he had nothing to bandage them so he had to go to her and knock on her door with his feet not wanting to leave blood on the door.

She opened it looking at him then at his hands gasping and grabbing his arm pushing him inside before closing the door and hiss to him.

''You did this?'' she asked and he nodded looking down while she cleaned the hands on the water and disinfect the wounds.

''Why?'' she asked and he sat on her side watching her working carefully and slowly.

''Because I am a sinner…'' he murmured and she looked at him watching him wince with the burning sting and pain.

''Ivan…'' she murmured with a look of pity and he swallowed hard.

''I like Alfred…'' he admitted and she nodded.

''I know that, we all like him; he's an interesting idiot.'' she smiled and he shook his head.

''No… I…'' he stopped making her look at him and he looked down in shame, ''I really like him, as a man should not like another man…'' he said softly making her open her mouth and close it.

He looked at her and she looked thoughtful while bandaging his hands and he stood there just watching her with a heavy chest and mind thinking how he lost the right of being pure of even wanting that.

''That's okay…'' she said looking at him and he looked at her in confusion.

''Since you don't do anything its fine…'' she said nodding and he frowned understanding what she meant but knowing it was not enough to make him pure again.

She finished her work and cleaned the table and he looked at her watching the sunset on the horizon.

''He will try to run away today…'' Ivan said and she looked at him.

''Who?''

''Alfred.'' He looked at her knowing it was the right thing to do but sounded selfish and a betrayal and she nodded.

''I'm glad you told me…'' she murmured leaving the room and leaving him with the unsafe needles and razors.

He stared at the razors and needles and grabbed one needle and a few razors before hiding them on his bandages and walk way. His punishment was not enough and now he felt rather pleased that he had how to proceed his purity patch.

.

Alfred was caught.

He yelled and trashed before being injected with a sedative and locked in a room with supervision and Ivan felt guilty.

Natalia warned him that Alfred was furious and his anger issues escalated into an unstable mood and he sighed walking to his room rather gloomy feeling even worse than before.

He spent four days looking at his ceiling and wondering if he should go and try to talk to Alfred but every time his heart would clench and feel guilty and he ended praying for forgiveness.

That night though he didn't need to pray for it.

Ivan stood watching Alfred entering his room with darkened glassed blue eyes and froze.

The man just walked to him stopping in front of him.

''You told them… '' Alfred frowned still glaring at him and Ivan nodded.

''I am sorry…'' he murmured and Alfred touched his face with a little sad smile.

''You betrayed me.'' He stated making Ivan tense and look at him with wide violet eyes.

''I… just wanted to help you.'' He said watching Alfred who now looked at him with narrowed eyes and took the hand away before taking off his shirt and pants standing bare in front of Ivan.

Ivan's breath hitched and he kept looking at his face not wanting to look at his naked body and Alfred walked to him again.

Ivan stepped back and Alfred cornered him on the wall pressing his body flush to his own and he could feel Alfred's warmth while every part of him turned noticeable through his pyjama.

''He also betrayed me but I didn't guarantee him a last wish…'' Alfred murmured looking at him and pressing his open mouth to his jaw and Ivan shuddered breathing quickly, chest moving quickly and eyes looking up in pain, fear and doubt. He couldn't think as the hot wet mouth left open-mouthed kisses on his neck and jaw leaving the wet to freeze with the cold air. He grabbed Alfred's arms terrified and Alfred licked his ear shell.

''You want it, I know it!'' he stated and Ivan looked down opening his mouth to deny it but Alfred pressed his pliant lips to him and he froze again watching him with wide eyes.

He shivered and his bandaged hands held onto Alfred arms as a life support. Alfred pressed his tongue to his slightly open mouth and he responded to the kiss closing his eyes softly.

Alfred sucked on his tongue and he opened his eyes pushing his head back while his mind yelled at him for doing that and thinking, _wanting_ and not being stopping it.

Ivan looked down and avoided the growing member of the other trying to look at the ground and Alfred grabbed his face frowning before shoving him to the bed.

Ivan fell and sat there glaring at him until Alfred walked to him and grabbed his hair with strength as the other hand caressed his arm.

''Suck.'' He ordered and Ivan looked at his erect cock before looking up to meet the same glassed hardened eyes. This was not _his_ Alfred and he tried to walk away but he shoved his head to his crotch and pressed his shaft to his open surprised mouth making him open it and gag.

Alfred pushed his hair making him bob his head and suck involuntary the twitching cock then he pushed him out making him gasp for breath and cough.

''You are not pure, you do not deserve that, never did!'' Alfred hissed and Ivan looked up with hurt and Alfred shoved him to the bed and turned him stomach down taking his pants.

Ivan trashed and tried to kick him because he couldn't use his hands properly and Alfred pressed his head to the pillow making him struggle for air and stop trashing his legs and he took advantage to push his erect member inside him with no preparation.

Ivan winced and teared at the burning ripping pain but Alfred waited with a pained groan before thrusting even more deeply inside.

Alfred started thrusting in and out slowly and he hissed staying still not wanting it to hurt more and Alfred took his cock out before turning him around, grab his legs up and thrust inside again with a pleased moan.

Ivan shook in rage, shame and feeling thoroughly violated as he was raped in a deep pace and he swallowed before grabbing his needle underneath his pillow and look at Alfred who placed his head on his shoulder murmuring how good he felt while pressing kisses on his neck and shoulder.

Alfred thrust deeper and kept moving making the motions look mechanical as the bed creaked and he grabbed his head with one hand as the other made the needle fill with air. Ivan could only think how Alfred was above him ripping him apart from the inside and taking all the rest of his purity away.

Ivan murmured an apology placing his legs around the man and pricked the needle on his neck, right on the vein before making the air-filled needle empty into his neck. He felt Alfred spasming and biting his shoulder then the man stood grabbing the needle throwing it to the ground glaring at him before gasping, grab his chest with wide blue eyes and make a pained groan before collapsing on the ground.

Ivan stood on the bed laying and watching the ceiling not wanting to move or see the dead Alfred on the ground or even acknowledge the burning pain on his ass that leaked blood and cum.

After twenty minutes he left the room giving a last glance at the naked body of Alfred on the ground. He hid his razors on his bandages and walked to the shower slowly limping. His legs were hurting and he had a cramp on one but ignore it relishing on the feeling that he deserves more pain and God should give him more.

He took the bandages slowly with vacant violet eyes as his ass dripped Alfred's lasting cum while his hands shivered and the razors fell on the floor.

Ivan sat there feeling the warm water falling on him and he pressed on razor on his left leg trying to cut as deeply as he could on the veins he could see. The next cuts were made on his chest, legs, head and arms and he grabbed a newly razor closing his red burning eyes and press it to his neck making a deep stinging cut that made his entire neck hurt and his mind dizzy.

He dropped the razors on the ground and laid against the wall with closed eyes as the wall washed all his sins and blood.

The next day he was found frozen dead on the bath stall and Alfred on his room. His dreams of purity ruined and vanished forever.

* * *

**Notes:**

[1] invented, there's no thing as this but go with it.

This story was inspired on the movie 'El mar' but I already had the last parts and middle but it was missing something thought so it was just a lucky call to watch that movie and finally finish this.

Rape is no fun and this is not a kink story, it's really meant to be hurtful. Even if he complied a bit on the beginning it never gave Alfred the right to keep pressuring him and that's wrong. I hope everyone realises it.

All the thoughts are excessive and the diseases were more or less controlled that's why you don't see more symptoms than the obsessive beliefs and self loathing. In Alfred's case they lying, throwing up and lack of judgement when betrayed.

I am sorry for the depressing story but everything I write turns into angst and suicide so… ; I also apologise for the lack of poetics and romanticism on this.. I'm rather blunt and rational so it just doesn't come out of my being...

I hope you liked it and apologise for mistakes.

I appreciate in advance all the reviews and favourites!

Thank you for reading.

Danie~


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